A year already… I mean, it’s actually been a little more than a year, but you get me. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, check out these posts:
Caught up? Good! So, where am I at now, a year into being treated for my ADHD?
Well, things have settled mostly. I don’t notice when my meds take effect, and I don’t totally notice when they wear off. It’s usually about an hour after they’ve worn off that I notice how chatty I’ve become, how I’m pacing the house, bounding between tasks, or making weird noises/humming bits and pieces of songs at the speed of my brain frantically flipping through every CD I’ve ever owned.
I’ve also found that, while my ability to focus is GREATLY improved while on my meds, my discipline to take advantage of the ability is… not so great. Probably because it’s a muscle I’m not used to flexing. I’m used to following my focus, not directing it. I need to work on that, I think.
Being on my meds is great, running out of them… not so much. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, the ADHD med shortage continues to be a not-so-fun reality. Each month when I go to fill my prescription, it’s a guessing game on when – or if – my meds will show up. So far so good, so keep those fingers crossed y’all.
This year has also been a lesson in what medication is not. My meds do not “turn off” my ADHD. They are not a solution to a “problem”. They do not make me neurotypical.
My meds are a part of my toolkit that helps me navigate life with ADHD. They work in tandem with skills I’ve already developed over the last 32 unmedicated years, and they help mitigate mental exhaustion. Thanks to my anxiety (born from my ADHD) I have a very overdeveloped sense of time management and organization. It’s a coping mechanism to make up for the forgetfulness and time-blindness that comes with constant distraction.
But couple this love of planning and structure with my meds? Oh man! I feel like I can accomplish ANYTHING if I just have enough highlighters!
I’ve also learned that my meds do not make me immune to overstimulation. It just might take a little longer to feel frazzled and raw than it used to.
And that’s what my meds are really all about. They are a buffer, preserving my energy and spoons throughout the day, leaving me with a greater ability to cope when my meds have worn off.
I’m so glad I finally decided to pursue an official diagnosis. I never imagined this level of peace and a sense of actual control over my mind, or this sort of deeper understanding of how my brain works and how to work WITH it, instead of against it.
It’s made all the difference.
I don’t expect to have many more posts in this litte blog series. I’m rocking steady, but should that change I’m sure I’ll let you all know.
Until then, Blogland.
BZ
