Look. Drafting Victoria has been very slow, okay? It’s just a weird book. It doesn’t call to me the way other drafts have. It makes no demands. When I do sit down to work on it, it flows out of me without much effort at all, which is amazing! But, with my delightful ADHD brain, sitting down to work on something that isn’t obsessing me is honestly painful.
Once I’m there, it’s fine. I put on my headphones, jam out to my baller playlist (listen here!), and hammer out some words. But getting there is HARD.
The other night I wrote in a whirlwind and wound up with almost 1300 words. A great evening of output, to be sure. So what did I do?
Nope.
Unh-uh.
Not that either…
What’s that? “Play Horizon Forbidden West?”
DING DING DING!
When it comes to my brain, rewards don’t really work. They become obsessions. Distractions. I can’t tell the difference between them anymore. And I don’t have the discipline to limit my time, energy, or focus. Whatever has me captured, HAS ME. It’s all I can think about. It’s all I want to spend my time on. It’s part of why I usually love drafting, because a new rough draft is a 6+ month hyperfocus of creation and discovery. I am obsessed. I live and breathe the story. It consumes me in all the best, most satisfying ways.
And Victoria… doesn’t. At least, not until I’m already in it. It’s a much more intellectual pursuit. It stimulates my brain like a giant puzzle, which is gratifying. I guess. It just doesn’t take over me. It doesn’t compell me. But, I’m over 20k words in. I’m not giving up now.
So, I just need to press pause and dump all my free time into finish Horizon Forbidden West. Scratch that itch and then move on. Move back to the tasks at hand and get them done before the weather gets good and I lose my ability to sit indoors.
I am so ready for spring. For hiking and camping and the outdoors. I’m not even remotely physically ready for any of those things, but whatever. That’ll sort itself out.
Until then, I’ll be plugging away at all things virtual and dreaming of coastal views and forest trails.
BZ
